The Downs

So I thought the lessons with Sophia were going really well, but then she had her interview on Wednesday to go into grade 2 (the entire reason why she is taking lessons from me in the first place) and she completely failed!

It was an interesting moment when her mom told me that. At first, I did the usual, automatic, fall-into-guilt routine that I normally do. I felt really bad about it, thought that we should just stop the lessons right there (we have five more to do), and I was completely ready to pay the family back for the classes. But then, I stopped myself. I noticed that I had kind of gone off the deep end in terms of reacting and just stopped. Of course, I could feel the tension, and the fear inside my chest that stayed for pretty much the rest of the night, but at least I got some distance from it. I think in the past I would have really done a number on myself-beating myself over the head for not being "good enough." This time, however, after the lesson, I sat down and looked at the situation more objectively.

Were there things that I, as a "teacher" could have done better? Yes, the first and foremost being that I should have more aggressively looked into what interview questions Sophia was going to be asked so that I could have tried to target them more specifically. [Ironically enough, I did find this out, and, while I could have streamlined the things I was teaching her a little more, I don't think I would have changed the topics too much.] I also could have focused more on speaking with her. For instance, I used flashcards with words and pictures...next time (if there is one) I think it would be better to only use words at the beginning and then just go to the pictures. I used the words because she's pretty smart and seems to learn the word before she learns what's on the card. However, since the interview was strictly oral, I think it would have been better to have her practice supplying the words from memory.

That said, was the "entire 'failure'" my fault? (As I was so readily able to believe.)

Of course not. Sophia is really smart-and she has a firm grasp on what I have taught her thus far, I think she just gets nervous. For instance, whenever one of the other teachers asks her a question-she doesn't say anything. I wonder if part of what happened was a confidence issue?

That's something for me to look into then, how do you build a student's confidence? And comfort in speaking the language?

Also, and not that this in any way "justifies" her performance during the interview, but she also failed the Thai portion of the test. So I have to keep in mind that there are other factors involved other than me. (Surprise, surprise.)

All in all, I think the entire experience working with Sophia has taught me more about myself (and how the meditating does actually allow for distancing) than anything. I just hope she has gotten as much out of it as I have.